CTY

If you are an ardent reader of this blog, you would recall that we once wrote about the “catch them young” phenomenon but while writing we might have inferred that it’s something done by only guys. We recently discovered that it’s also done by girls (now Deborah this isn’t about you and Seun, I will never do such a thing).  Well, girls might have different reasons but what could those reasons be?

Hi, my name is Love and I’m a freshman(I mean I’m in my first year) but I’d also like to think that I’m a fresh man. Okay, that was lame. It was my second week of resumption and I was still getting accustomed to the environment, when a fine fair girl walked up to me along Tech road, and I’m sure we all know what happens at Tech Road.

“Hi! My name is Tobi, what is your name?“
 “Love” I replied smoothly.
She laughed “Are you serious?”.
“Most people spend their lives looking for me, you should be happy you found me” I said. For a fresher I thought I was at the top of my game and I just might have landed myself a school mother, if you know what I mean.(*wink*)
 “Anyway, I want to invite you to my church, Gospel Support of God’. We worship on Sundays and Thursdays …”
I zoned out after she said Sundays and Thursdays, the last thing I heard her say was
“Maybe we could hang out after service”
I told her I’d only be able to attend Thursday services because my dad was the pastor at the church I attend on Sundays outside school. Since that day I started getting more calls from Tobi than my mom. The thing about the conversation is that it always went the same way
“Hey, it’s Tobi. How are you?”
“I’m alright.You?”
“I’m good, we didn’t see you last week Thursday, are you coming for Thursday service this week?”
“Yeah, most likely”
“Awesome. What about Sunday?”. So I decided to go for a Thursday service because of her constancy, it couldn’t be that bad I told myself and who knows we might get to hang out (*wink*) after the service.

Their services held very close to my hall, getting there early was essential, I needed Tobi to notice my presence. The service was normal except for strange occurrences like whenever the pastor says something they repeat the last word adding ‘you say’. Let me give you an example of the first one I experienced “Most of the people you think are saved will go to hell fire” said the pastor and the congregation replied
“Hell Fire? Pastor, you say?” like they didn’t believe the pastor. And that continued for the rest of service.

The second interesting thing was the rate at which gravity was working. They were just falling all over, at least 8 chairs were broken in the first service I attended. I mean if the pastor sneezed the speakers felt like they too might fall. Okay, now I’m just exaggerating.

Watching people fall down wasn’t something I enjoyed so I became an unfaithful Thursday-service-church-goer, and Tobi’s calls reduced a little bit. It all changed at my departmental fresher’s welcome when I met Chichi who also attended the Gospel Support of God and out of my utmost stupidity and “thirstiness” I told I’d see her in church on Sunday and then we might chill out later that Sunday. So here I was, obliged to attend a Sunday service.

I was seated at the front row. I watched lazily as the pastor stepped up to the altar to preach, and just before he spoke the person beside me fell down dramatically, that escalated quickly I thought..
One hour into the sermon, and the pastor was talking about how people come to church without a jotter and he was looking straight at me and yes I came without a jotter. “…I wonder why we call ourselves sons and can’t come to the house of our Father with our writing materials, some people will say they don’t come with writing materials because they have magnetic brain but check their CGPA…things like this lead to hell…”
“Hell, pastor you say?” the congregation replied.
2 hours passed and the pastor was still preaching. He spoke of various things; of how we don’t pray enough, of how he had prayed some people’s CGPA into first class even though those people were on second class lower currently and of how some boys came to church just to mislead the good girls. I couldn’t take it anymore, I decided to plot my exit strategy but then I noticed the doors were locked. I was trapped, I was trapped in my Father’s house. The service continued for another 3 hours. No, I’m not exaggerating. We finished at 1pm after starting by 8am.

I didn’t see Chichi after service, she said she needed to fellowship with the Lord more after the 5-hour service and that she wouldn’t be able to “chill” after. Tobi messaged me on WhatsApp after service. “.. Hey, nice seeing you in church today. Hope you’re coming on Thursday? We could hang out after service” Nonsense. I blocked all of their numbers, Thank God for technology.